I-Message

I-Messages help us talk about how we are feeling and why. It’s important for us to learn to share our feelings effectively because it helps us better understand ourselves and others. When we understand ourselves and others better, we can regulate our emotions to learn and play with others.

1. Write: ”I feel _______ because_______.” on a piece of poster paper or on a whiteboard. If online, screen share the message.
2. Model an I-Message, using a short scenario. For example: “One day, I made my favorite dessert - chocolate cake with chocolate frosting. When I went to school the next morning, I left it in the fridge. I was so excited to eat it when I got home! But when I got home and opened the fridge, it wasn’t there - someone else had eaten it!”
3. Ask students, “How do you think that made me feel?” and write a student’s response in the first blank on the poster (e.g., “angry,” “sad”).
4. Then ask students, “Why did I feel that way?” and write a student’s response in the second blank on the poster (e.g., “someone ate my cake”).
5. Explain to students that they can use I-Messages to express any feeling to anyone at any time.
6. Practice I-Message many times as a class in calm moments so students are ready to use it when needed.

• What are other ways you can show or communicate how you are feeling?
• Can you think of a time that you could have used an I-Message instead of saying or doing something else? What happened?
• How does it feel to express your feelings using I-Messages?

For students in primary school:

• Practice I-Messages with books and stories. Read a story where characters face conflicts or experience a variety of emotions. Have students create I-Messages for the characters throughout.
• Use I-Messages with Feelings Tree. Students can add extra leaves to their Feelings Tree with I-Messages expressing what has made them feel each emotion.
• Use Emotion Cards to create “I-Messages” as needed.
• Provide lots of scenarios for students to practice using I-Messages before asking them to use I-Messages to describe their own experience.

For students in grades 5-6:

• Adapt the I Message structure to support conflict resolution. For example: “I feel___” “because/when you___.” “Could you please___?” Have students create sentences using this structure. For example, “I feel frustrated when you talk while I’m working. Could you please wait to talk?”